Maybe you have to lose control before you can find what you're missing.

The way I see it, we all hide behind the fears of what comes next. Why is it so hard to just be upfront about who we are and what we feel? I mean, I do it too. I have so many thoughts that some people really deserve to know about, but they never leave my head. And they probably never will. I'm a total control freak, I'll admit it. And I always want to be in control of my situation. I like to know exactly where I'm going and how I'll get there and what I have to do along the way and what will happen and who will be involved. And when I don't know, I freak out. And when I do think I know...funny how that's never the way things really turn out. I guess I always feel like I need that sense of security. I like always knowing the answer. I think I really need to accept that there are some things I just don't know. And it's so much more fun that way. But because I don't know what's going to happen, I get scared and I never do anything about it. So I never end up leaving square one. I can't ever know what will result from my actions, but if I do nothing, there will be no result. I guess I just need a little more nerve. Funny because I have so much nerve in all other situations. Such an excessive amount that leads me to say a little too much at times. But that's all gone now, standing where I am. Standing in front of something that scares me beyond all comprehension. Because even if this is the furthest from the truth, I feel like I have the world to lose. But hey, that's just the way I see it.