I can't sleep. Thoughtsthoughtsthoughts

I love my school.
I want fall to come.
Homecoming scares me.
I think I have a shopping problem.
I'm afraid to grow up.
It's like, before I was thinking about my future, but now I'm going to start to actually make plans for my future... not things I'm interested in or might do, but I'm going to be planning what I'll actually do. And the next step is.... doing it. And I'm scared.
I hate this characteristic I have to want to do everything all at the same time.
I need to stop using the phrase 'I want'.
To be honest I don't care about the Scarlet Letter.
Shouldn't it be easier than this?
Time flies. Day turns to day.
"And I've been looking in the back of the book for the answers, hoping the bell wouldn't chime. But I'm not ready to put down my pencil just yet. There are too many answers that I didn't get. I need a little less pressure and a little more time."
NOW cd's, lol. So many people totally want to buy a CD full of music from 2 months ago that they've been sick of all season long. FOR SURE.
I hope nobody ever really falls for those commercials with like the dumb screen that scans your hand or the picture texts of Edward Cullen and Jacob Black... and you have to pay like ten dollars a month... What the heck hahahaha.

Head first, fearless.

Fearlessness.

this happened.

i accidentally turned in my student info sheet to mr. geunin looking like this in the last section:
Q- Is there anything else you would like me to know about you?
A- I'm a g


.............. uh

i'm not going to explain how it happened. all i'm saying is that it was an honest mistake.

The innocent can never last

Things I'll miss about summer 2010.

-doing whatever i wanted whenever i wanted
-literally no stress
-late night facebook chats
-late night anything
-waking up at noon and not feeling lazy about it
-looking like crap because i don't have to leave my house if i don't want to
-the belfry stage
-the belfry backstage
-the smell of the belfry
-the belfry dressing rooms
-the golden garter
-the deadwood stage
-my dressing room girls
-my lines
-my costumes
-my props
-the drive to the belfry at 6:30
-the drive home from the belfry at 10
-standing in the belfry lobby, hearing the overture, and waiting to enter through the swinging doors
-my giant chicago hat
-my bonnet that drove me nuts
-my petticoat thaat drove me nuts
-my hair that drove me nuts
-my cast that drove me nuts

come to think of it... calamity jane was my entire summer. to quote anna, the worst part about doing a show is leaving. always. that little renovated church building in the middle of nowhere, that cheesy music and predictable script, and those 27 weirdos that i'm proud to call my cast made my summer. and i'll feel their absence every night from 7 to 10, when i'm not on stage with them. i love you guys. i miss you guys. thanks for always laughing at my stories. ...then throwing them in the story basket. and thanks for making memories with me. i'll never forget a single one you talented freaks. yeah... calamity jane was my summer. and i loved every second of it.

If you're certain what you wish is what you want.

I wish people followed through on their committments. Especially when they involve me.
I wish school wasn't about to start.
I wish annoying people could learn to take a hint.
I wish I was secure enough in my bounceback ability to take a risk when it involves another person.
I wish I didn't appear so ditzy. I'm not.
I wish hard work paid off. Usually it does, but not everything is so black and white.
I wish things didn't change before I have the opportunity to enjoy them.
I wish I could write myself the way I want to be read.
I wish I knew how to stop wishing. It's my biggest flaw.


EDIT: Blogger says I posted this at 9:01 PM on August 6th... I couldn't have! I was doing a show at that very moment! Hmph.