Let me be melodramatic

I'm so tired of crying.
And I don't want to be tired anymore.
I don't want to cry anymore.

Looking in the back of the book for the answers

It's Christmas season and I'm not happy.
There's something wrong with me and I don't know what it is.
And I'm trying to stop it while I still see it happening, but I don't know how.
It breaks my heart to see progress and growth deteriorating. And I'm reaching and reaching to people because I need to be fixed. I need people to keep me okay.
I don't know what's wrong with me.